He Loved Her
by Stargatecrazy
Summary: John realizes how much he loves Elizabeth but it's too late. Unless there's something he can do about it! But getting her back isn't a simple as it seem. Death fic but only for the first few chapters. HIATUS until my muse returns! SORRY!
1. Realizations

**Title: **He Loved Her

**Disclaimer:** Stargate Atlantis doesn't belong to me which is a shame because if it did all Sparks would love me. (lots of sparky goodness in every episode). But I doubt that you'll like this fic even though it is John/Elizabeth.

**Authors note:** I don't like this fic. It made me tear up. I'm no good at doing these upsetting stories. Right, enough of me rambling…...on to the story!!

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He loved her.

He couldn't believe it took this long for him to finally admit it to himself.

He was going to lose her.

She was dying in his arms and there was nothing he could do about it.

The bullet wound to her chest was bleeding too much and he couldn't get to the Stargate with her in this condition.

"John," she coughed up blood, knowing she was close to death. "I…..love…you."

_No this can't be happening; not now. _He thought, tears streaming down his face. John Sheppard had never cried…..until now.

"Elizabeth! Stay with me. You'll make it. I can't loose you!" He sobbed.

She coughed up more blood and tightened her grip on his hand. Her breathing was raspy and it took a lot of strength for her take in air. With one final "John" the grip on his hand loosened and she was gone. She'd left him. Left him alone.

"I'm sorry Elizabeth. Sorry that I couldn't protect you." He whispered, his face stained with his tears and her blood. He pressed a light kiss to her lips.

The rescue team came through the Gate an hour later to see the motionless body of their Leader cradled in the arms of their commanding officer. But John didn't care. He didn't care about any thing any more.

"I……I love you, too," he said softly to her lifeless body, clutched in his arms. But it was too late. It was all too late.

_There has to be a way to bring her back. I'm in another galaxy with all this alien technology. There has to be a way and I'm not going to stop until I find it! _Was his last thought before the darkness of unconsciousness took him.

* * *

Flames telling me how sad it was and that I'm cruel to kill Elizabeth are welcome. If you hated it, tell me that too! I don't like death fics that much, either. I only like them when the person that dies is brought back to life or if it's someone I don't like. I'm going to continue so Elizabeth won't stay dead.

SGC


	2. Alsoros

Chapter 2: Alsoros

He woke up to bright lights and the familiar smell of the infirmary. His head hurt like hell and there was a strange feeling of emptiness in his chest. The last thing he remembered was gunfire, shouting and smoke. It had been the Genii. Frantic moving bodies, screams of terror, fire. They'd been ambushed and….

"Elizabeth!!" John sat up yelling her name.

He started to break down again. Carson and Rodney came over to him. John grabbed Rodney.

"Where is she? Is she…" he couldn't bring himself to say it.

Rodney sighed and looked at Carson.

"She's in the….the morgue, John. I'm sorry but there was nothing you could have done to save her. The bullet penetrated her heart." McKay went silent.

John shook his head and kept repeating the same word. No.

"I could have saved her Rodney. If I'd never let her go on the mission in the first place. Or if I'd been more alert or if I'd taken the bullet instead. She'd still be alive! Damn it!" John now realized why he felt empty inside. Elizabeth. He'd never see her again. He'd never see her smile, her laugh or even her glare when he was being childish.

John was getting very aggravated. Carson went to inject a sedative when John stopped him.

"McKay. Is there any way? Is there any way to bring her back? There has to be!"

Rodney just shook his head solemnly. He closed his eyes and said,

"If I knew of one do you think I'd be standing here instead of trying to get her back?"

John pushed Carson away and struggled out of the infirmary bed. He pulled out his IV and started to run. Thankfully he was in scrubs. He ran to McKay's lab and got onto the data base. He searched through everything he could but there was nothing until….

_Resurrection: Alsoros_

That was all it said but it was enough to hope. He was about to call Rodney when he heard foot steps. Carson had gone to the marines. Cursing John ran in the other direction. He didn't know where he was heading until he found himself in the armoury. He kitted up, thankful for the extra uniforms and headed off towards the Jumper bay.

Before he got there though there was a shout and John ended up in darkness again. He'd been shot by a marine with a Wraith Stunner.

------

When he woke up for the second time that day the emptiness was still there. He doubted that it would ever go away while Elizabeth was dead.

"What in bloody hell did you think you were playing at?!" Came Beckett's Scottish brogue.

Squinting his eyes open he noticed he was in the infirmary again. All of his team were there including Carson and Colonel Caldwell. But of course there was still no Elizabeth.

"I've found a way." He coughed out. His throat was dry from being stunned.

"Excuse me? But have you gone insane. Radek and I went over the data base with a fine tooth comb! Do you really….." McKay was shut up by Teyla elbowing him in the stomach.

John nodded and coughed again. Beckett handed him a cup full of ice chips to drink.

"Planet. Alsoros!" John sat up so he could talk more easily. He looked directly at Caldwell. "We have to go there! I don't care what you say or how much you want Elizabeth's position but I'm going and you can't stop me!"

Caldwell didn't look surprised. He sighed and nodded. He headed out of the infirmary with out saying anything else. John looked up at his team.

"Well you're not going with out us!" Rodney shouted.

Ronon and Teyla nodded in agreement. They went to get suited up and were standing in front of the Gate in five minutes. The technicians had found Alsoros' address in the data base and dialled it up. John looked behind him to where Elizabeth usually stood to wish him luck. Instead Caldwell stood there looking out of place.

"Be safe" he said Elizabeth's phrase. "Bring her back Sheppard."

With that John stepped through the Stargate, with his team behind him, hoping to find a way to get back the only women he truly loved. And when he did he was going to tell her.

* * *

Well...You like? Tell me!! LOL!

SGC


	3. The Truth

Chapter Three: The Truth

They stepped out of the Stargate onto a bright planet. Two suns shone over head sending down immense heat. John couldn't feel it though. All his mind registered was getting to the device that would bring Elizabeth back to him.

"Not another planet with too much heat!" Rodney complained.

Ignoring him John set off letting his team catch up with him. In the distance, behind the trees, a temple could be seen. It shone brightly in the sun light.

"There's a faint energy reading coming from that temple over there." Rodney said pointing into the distance.

John nodded and carried on walking, not prepared to stop for anything. They walked for ages in silence, entering the tree line. Of course silence never sat well with Rodney. He'd tried on several occasions to start a conversation with the focused Colonel but to no avail. Ronon and Teyla just followed quietly but McKay wouldn't.

"Sheppard! Come on! We all cared for Elizabeth too! But you have to talk at some point." He sighed when he still got no response. "Sheppard!"

McKay started to prod him in the arm trying to rouse some sort of retort from John. With out warning John grabbed Rodney by the collar and slammed him up against the nearest tree. Ronon stood back to watch as Teyla tried to calm John down.

"Stop talking McKay and start walking or I _will_ shoot you!" The anger was clear in his voice.

Still fuming John dropped Rodney to the floor and started walking again. It was getting dark but John still hadn't stopped.

"Colonel, we should set up camp soon. It is nearing night." Teyla tried to reason with him but he carried on.

"Sheppard." Ronon stepped in front of him and blocked his path. "She wouldn't have wanted you to act like this. We have to rest. It's not safe to travel in the dark."

John looked up at Ronon and sighed. He dropped his pack to the floor and nodded.

"All right but as soon as the sun….suns rise we're heading off again."

They set up camp and got ready to sleep. John took the first watch. Teyla suspected that he wouldn't sleep that night anyway.

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John couldn't get the thoughts out of his head. He just kept reliving the ambush.

_Screams as explosions knocked people back. Weapons fire. That was all that had registered in his mind and the need to protect Elizabeth. Why did she have to come and negotiate?! Why couldn't some one else have come?!  
__Men in uniforms, stepping out of the trees. Genii uniforms! They were out numbered three to one. Then Kolya stepped forwards. He signalled to his men and they stunned John's team leaving just him and Elizabeth. Kolya raised his weapon and fired. Before John realized what was happening there was a scream. Elizabeth's scream. Kolya laughed. The bastard! Blood everywhere. The sense of loss. Knowing she wasn't going to make it! The Genii left leaving Sheppard to curse them._

John woke, calling Elizabeth's name again. He must have fallen asleep. He was covered in cold sweat. Rodney was by his side trying to calm him. Ronon and Teyla were watching him with concern but when they realized he was okay they went back to sleep. John sat up and propped his back against a near by tree.

"Are you okay?"

John nodded, breathing heavily. Rodney sat down next to him.

"I know you're hoping that we can bring Elizabeth back, but…..we might not find what we're looking for. I'm sorry John but we might never see Elizabeth again." Rodney put his hand on John's shoulder to try and comfort him.

John shook his head and screwed his eyes up. With out opening them he whispered:

"We are going to bring her back Rodney. I won't stop until I find a way!"

"But…"

John opened his eyes and looked at Rodney. "I love her."

McKay looked surprise for a moment before he said, "Yes well we all do really. She's like a sister to me as well."

John shook his head. "No McKay. I _love_ her."

The desire and sadness in John's eyes was over whelming. McKay looked down at his feet. He went to say something but stopped. He understood Sheppard's behaviour now.

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I'm gonna stop there to be mean!! #grin# I hate reading cliff hangers but I love writing them so…#more evil grinning#

So now McKay knows why John's so into all this! Would you like me to continue? #smile#


	4. The Temple

Next chapter will have Elizabeth returned to John. This is just a short chapter. The next one will be longer...I hope!  
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Chapter 4: The Temple

The suns rose and morning came. John, who hadn't slept since his nightmare, got up and started to pack away his sleeping bag. Rodney had stayed up most of the night with John and was busy with the breakfast and coffee when Teyla and Ronon awoke.

Soon all four of them were on their way. As usual, Teyla and Ronon brought up the rear whilst talking to each other. Rodney walked at the front with John. After last night he didn't try to get the Colonel to talk. He just walked by him offering what comfort he could.

Eventually the team got to the temple. It was much larger than it looked from the Stargate. Many steps led up to its entrance. John started up the steps but McKay held him back.

"The energy coming from it just spiked. Something's wrong here Sheppard." He explained.

Suddenly there was a bright flash of white light and Sheppard and McKay disappeared leaving Ronon and Teyla standing alone. The door of the temple slammed shut. The only thing they could do was wait till it opened.

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Once the light faded John noticed that they were in a room that had the same architecture as Atlantis. There were no windows or doors. Rodney was looking at his PDA and hadn't noticed. John nudged him and nodded to the walls, which had glowing, white symbols on them.

"What's it say?" He asked.

Rodney walked over to the wall and brushed his fingers over the symbols.

"Something about proving your worth. Three trials. If you can get past them all you get what you came for……..we get Elizabeth back as soon as we answer this question and we have to keep her alive through the three trials or…." Rodney's excitement faded and he trailed off.

John's eyes were bright with joy. They would get Elizabeth back after answering a simple question!

"Or what McKay?"

"Or all three of us die!" He gulped.

John couldn't care less about that. He'd rather be dead if he couldn't have Elizabeth and he knew they weren't going to fail. He wouldn't let Elizabeth die again!

"What's the question?" When Rodney made no move John carried on. "Now McKay! Tell me the question!"

He gulped again and read the question.

"Um….What walks on four legs in the morning, two legs in the afternoon and three legs in the evening."

John thought hard. He knew he'd heard this before. McKay was just shaking his head; obviously he didn't know the answer.

"I know this! The answer's…….."

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Evil Cliffie or what?! grin Well I love this riddle! Let's see if any of you know it! Are you sure you want me to continue because I could stop you know! evil grin

SGC


	5. The Trials Pt One

**Yes……I know….months…..at least I ****have**** updated//grin// I was going to have the trials as one chapter but to get this updated sooner (and because the first trial was longer than I expected it to be) I'm going to split the three trials into three separate chapters…..I think this is one of the longest chapters I've ever written….It was five and a half whole pages on Microsoft Word…..//nods head// Any way….On wards and upwards…. Oh yes...And Elizabeth's finally back in this chappie//hears everyone cheer// I knew that would make you all happy!! **

Un-beta'ed

**Chapter Five: The Trials**** Pt 1**

"….man!"

Nothing happened. Rodney looked at him confused.

"What do you mean man? We don't have 3 legs!!"

John shook his head. He knew that it was the right answer but Elizabeth still hadn't turned up.

Sighing he explained to Rodney. "In the morning, the first stages of life, we crawl on all fours when we are babies, the afternoon, the middle stages of life, we are adults so we walk on two legs and in the evening, the final stages of life, we walk on three legs because we need a cane or a walking stick to hold us up, the cane counting as the third leg. Okay?! Get it now? But it's obviously wrong anyway because Elizabeth isn't here."

Rodney turned round to study the wall again and John watched him. There was nothing. John sighed in defeat. He was about to consider shooting through the walls with his P-90 when suddenly….

"John?" The hairs stood up on the back of John's neck. It couldn't be. Could it?

He turned around slowly, as did Rodney. As soon as he saw the women standing in front of him his eyes brightened.

"Elizabeth!!" He stepped forwards towards her and embraced her strongly.

No one could see but there were tears in the Colonel's eyes. She was back. She was alive. But they still had those trials, which Rodney had talked about, to get past.

"John? What happened? The last thing I remember was Kolya. Then…nothing." She looked up at him with questioning eyes and it took all of John's strength not to kiss her senseless right there. They had to get out of there first.

"You….you were shot Elizabeth. Kolya killed you…I…" John trailed off, pulling back whilst keeping his hands on her arms.

The look of sadness returned to his eyes again. "You were gone, dead. I thought I'd lost you…"

Tears glistened in his eyes. Elizabeth continued to look at him with confusion and disbelief written across her beautiful features. John reached his hand up to brush her hair away from her face but stopped half way there. Remembering that Rodney was also there, John closed his eyes for a moment, to get rid of the threatening tears and to regain his composure. He turned around to face McKay.

"But we're not out of here yet…I'll explain more later" he coughed. "Rodney?"

Rodney looked at John with sympathy. He ran his hands over the Ancient symbols on the wall and muttered.

"I don't know. It doesn't say anything about how we get to the trials. I…." Rodney trailed off as the sound of rock on rock resounded through out the small room they were in.

A small segment of the wall, next to Rodney, slid up into the ceiling, to reveal a stone passageway. Sighing, John cocked his P-90 and headed through the doorway. Elizabeth and Rodney followed close behind.

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The sound of splashing water could be heard minutes before they rounded the corner into the first cavern. The whole cavern was filled with water. John couldn't tell how deep it went but the bottom certainly wasn't visible. It looked about 100metres long, at least the length of two Olympic sized swimming pools.

"We must have to swim across it. That looks like the exit over there" Rodney pointed at what looked like another corridor to another cavern.

"Well that doesn't look too hard. We only have to swim and we all know how to, right?"

"Yeah but it's what's down there I'm worried about" Elizabeth exclaimed nodding towards the faint movements that could be seen deep down under the surface of the water.

John groaned and asked, "Can't we just chuck a few grenades or a couple of packs of C4 down there and kill whatever's swimming about?"

Rodney moaned and mumbled something that sounded a lot like 'military solutions'.

"I doubt that's allowed in these 'trials'! Plus the structure of these caverns might not be able to take all the explosions! Do you want to be crushed to death?" McKay explained, with that smug look of his.

John groaned again and unclipped his P-90. He threw it on the floor, along with his Kevlar vest. He took Rodney's pack from him and chucked it on the floor too. Then John sat down and removed his boots and socks. Elizabeth and Rodney just looked at him, as if he'd suddenly gone mad.

John started to remove his black, military issue t-shirt when Elizabeth let out a stifled yelp. "John! What are you doing?"

"I'm not swimming through that in full gear. You're crazy if you think you can make it across wearing all that. And we especially don't want to be slowed down with what looks like a nasty version of 'Sam' down there" John answered, referring to Rodney's whale-like friend.

Rodney took off his Kevlar vest, jacket and boots and socks too but left his t-shirt on. Elizabeth just stood there as John finished removing his top.

"At least take your jacket off Elizabeth. And it would help if you took your shoes off too. I'm gonna carry all the stuff across so don't worry about having to leave it here."

Elizabeth nodded silently. She was speechless as she looked at John's perfectly toned chest.

"Elizabeth?" John asked when he noticed she wasn't moving.

Elizabeth blinked and blushed slightly as she snapped back to reality. She took her jacket off too and threw it into the pile by John's feet. She sat down to remove her boots and socks as John started stuffing everything into Rodney's pack.

"Alright," he said, shifting the pack onto one of his shoulders. "I'll swim across first with this and then I'll come back for you two. Okay?"

When Elizabeth and Rodney both nodded, John lifted himself into the water and carefully swam to the other side, trying to keep most of the gear dry. When he finally reached the end of the pool he swung the pack up onto the side and sat on the edge to catch his breath.

Looking back over at his friends he caught their apprehensive looks and smiled. Waving at them he considered keeping his P-90 but since there wasn't much chance that it would work if it got too wet, John tucked several knives into his belt.

"Okay Rodney you're next." John smirked, as he climbed out next to the pale astrophysicist, after swimming back across.

"How…how come that thing didn't eat you? What if it's just waiting for me? Maybe it prefers smarter people. Oh God…what if it does? I'm too young to be eaten alive!! I'm rethinking that whole 'let's blow it up' idea now!"

John hit Rodney across the back of the head. "Shut up McKay or you won't have to worry about it attacking and eating you…I'll _feed_ you to it!"

Rodney huffed and was about to reply when John stepped closer to him, threatening.

Elizabeth rolled her eyes. "Gentlemen…..I have a feeling that if that 'thing' isn't a vegetarian that it'll be me it's after. So you have nothing to worry about Rodney."

Scrunching his eyebrows up in puzzlement John gestured for Elizabeth to continue.

"Well, you said I was….dead, right?" Elizabeth managed to choke out, choosing to ignore the flash of emotion that crossed John's face as she mentioned it. "And this place kinda 'resurrected' me? So obviously these trials are to see if I'm worthy of being alive again. That creature is meant to attack me not you, Rodney."

Still not utterly convinced, McKay gulped as he looked down at the moving shadow in the water. Looking at Elizabeth, John pushed Rodney into the pool.

"Back in a minute 'Lizabeth." He smirked as he grabbed McKay by his shirt collar and pushed him forwards.

When they _finally_ reached the end of the pool, John climbed out for the second time and helped McKay up too.

"See, I'm starting to think that Elizabeth's right. We're gonna have to protect her or she'll be permanently dead, McKay. I'm going to go back for her now. If she is right, that thing will attack us. I'll try and hold it off…and when Elizabeth reaches the edge, get her out as fast as you can. Okay?" John whispered.

Rodney nodded and swallowed hard but smiled anyway. "Good luck."

With a brief nod, John was off again. Whilst he was swimming back to Elizabeth, he couldn't help wishing that Ronon was here. True without Rodney he wouldn't have been able to read the riddle, but Ronon was more skilful at hand-to-hand combat.

John tried not to think of the whale-like thing beneath him as he rolled onto solid ground, next to Elizabeth. He stood up and put a hand on her arm.

"You okay?" He asked and his only reply was the silent nod of her head. "Come on."

John helped Elizabeth into the water, his hand subconsciously going to one of the knives in his belt. John actually thought that they'd make it across with out any problems when suddenly….

"Sheppard!!" Rodney yelled, pointing at the accelerating shadow coming up behind them.

"Swim," was all he said to Elizabeth as he pulled one of the knives out.

He dove down to meet the creature but it completely ignored him, heading for Elizabeth instead. He bit his lip as he tried to catch up to the fast, underwater monster. Its spiked tail glinted in front of him. Swimming as fast as he could, John just about caught up to it and thrust the knife out, imbedding it into the beast.

Obviously deciding that self preservation was more important than eating Elizabeth, it made a quick U-turn, which was quite surprising for a creature of such size, and headed straight for John.

Mentally swearing, John braced himself. As soon as the beast was about to head butt him, John twisted sideways and stuck a second knife into the back of its head. Out of the corner of his eye John noticed Elizabeth was nearly at the waters edge.

He swore again as he barely missed being mauled. With only one blade left John had to be careful. He looked up as the creature started to circle above him. As John saw Rodney successfully pull Elizabeth out of the water he all of a sudden realised that he needed to breathe soon. With out warning the creature sped towards John. Being too wrapped up in making sure that Elizabeth was out of the water, he didn't notice the mass of teeth and flesh speeding in his direction.

John let out what little air he had left in his lungs as the creature's teeth sank into his left arm. Thankfully his right arm maintained its grip on the knife. He brought the blade down onto the beast's skull, releasing a cloud of red blood from its head. The creature let go of John's arm as it swam into the depths of the pool, a trail of blood following it.

John swan up to the surface and struggled for his breath. Using his good arm to swim over to Elizabeth and Rodney, John hefted himself out of the water. Rodney was pale and Elizabeth didn't look much better.

"Oh God, John!" She shouted, looking at the mess that used to be his arm.

John shifted himself over to the pack and got out his t-shirt. He tore a couple of strips of fabric off the bottom and tried, unsuccessfully, to tie them around his arm. Noticing that he was failing, Elizabeth came over to help. As John looked up, his eyes met hers and she blushed. Clearing her throat Elizabeth back away and Rodney moved forwards to help John up.

"Right…I'd call that a success" John grinned after giving everyone their stuff back.

"John……." Elizabeth raised her eyebrow, warningly.

Rodney effectively hid his grin as John pouted.

"I'm fine 'Lizabeth. Look, it's hardly bleeding now. Come on." And before Elizabeth had chance to protest John had swung the pack onto his back and had cocked his P-90.

**So…REVIEW and tell me how mean I am for not updating soon enough….I've been busy with school work…yes lame excuse…but thank you to every one who has review****ed and even those who have read but not reviewed….thank you too!!**

**SGC**


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